And if the Sound of Music could say it – these are a few of my (un)favorite things. And now I don’t feeeel sooo bad!
1. Your body is a temple. I get it. And you look great, you really do. But no one needs to see your temple every time you pick up a dumbbell! I’d bet you’re the only one who notices your week to week progress. Your deltoid hasn’t changed much from Friday to Monday. And is there any part of you that feels weird when other people are looking at you while you flex into the mirror with that self-involved smile? I would. Shit, those people already know the hashtags you’re going to use. But you probably assume they’re just jealous. Maybe they are. But maybe they just think you’re acting like a douche.
This guy explains this much better than I ever could.
2. Selfies. In plural. All the time. It’s Instagram, not Instaselfie. You can take them (I do when I feel pretty!) but let’s not let it take over your life. Set up a schedule – limit yourself to one selfie a week. Give the rest of us a break from them. Got it? K thanks.
3. Girls not getting along with other girls. I’ve said this before but it deserves a second mention. Bitch, you have no friends. Try getting along with humans. We’re not that bad.
4. Bath tub pics. Why? With the perfectly placed candles, your newly polished toes, and a glass of wine in hand. You didn’t hop in there to relax, you did it to post your fucking photo. And rub a dub dub – why the fuck is your phone in the tub?! With too much wine you might just drop it and that photo now cost you $700. I’m trying to help you here. I would never want you to rack up a bill like that. Unless you’re guilty of #2 (above – I’m not actually talking about poop, silly).
5. Phone addicts. I’ve been guilty for this in the past but can see now the error in my ways. There is nothing worse than getting together with your friends OR family (if you’re lucky enough they could be both) with your head at a downward 45 degree angle, scrolling through your twitter to keep up with the latest tweets of Zac Efron (self-reminder, Leanna). You don’t see these people that are in the same room as you all the time! Say hi to them. Ask them how their day is. Find out what’s happening in their life. It might give you something to post about later. Some of your family don’t even own phones! Imagine how boring that would be for them to watch you scroll. So do it on your own time.
6. And finally, to end on a positive, I’ll just mention..you guessed it – food pics. These, no matter how much someone tells you they’re not, are 100% OK TO POST. There are people like me in this world that DO want to see what you’re eating. That’s me. I fucking love food. I fucking love drinks. You slap on an X-Pro II filter and BAM. It doesn’t have to be a milkshake – it can be bacon. Or mac and cheese for the beginner chefs – it’ll still bring all the boys to the yard. Now go grab yourself a glass of wine, take a damn photo of it if you want and enjoy your day! I will now that I got this off my chest. I’m going to go check my yard for boys, now.