Friday Date Night

Relationshit goals.
When a relationship goes from good to bad..it becomes a relationshit. Friends, family, significant others, no need to specify because it’s essentially all the same..however I’ll just focus on the latter today.
Those people you once knew as being nice, fun to be around, loveable people go and do a 180 like Bruce Jenner and boom. You’re like where the fuck did THAT come from?!
I know. Bad example because we all still love Caitlyn!
Friends can grow apart. Family..you’re stuck with sort of. And significant others..weh-heh-elllll they’re just accidents waiting to happen.
Like you date someone and oh-my-god-I’m-in-love (false fucktard it’s infatuation and it’ll pass) and yes they’re like the sweetest little creatures that you’ve literally ever came into contact with and then BOOM. There’s the 180 spinoff. You never did think they’d present this awful language to you..sorry..AT you and you’re no longer love struck..you my friend..are dumbstruck. So stop acting like a post.
This is my timeline from relationship-to-shit and an example (god no not my own example because I mean how Taylor Swift of me would THAT be? I heard she’s super sarcastic too).
1.You date.
2.Happy happy honeymoon stage
3.Oh look they just threw a deal breaker in your face
4.Meh I mean I think I still like their genitals hugging mine
5.Resentment
6.Oh shit I think I’d rather be abstinent now
7.Andddd nope. Can’t even. Let’s cut this off.
Now you have a relationshit to finish off. I mean, you don’t ever keep a relationshit, it’s like week-old leftovers sitting in your fridge. (Another bad example) You know it’ll get thrown out but, you gotta actually toss it and you’re not sure like, do I throw away the whole container? Or just the food inside of it so it has a chance for new food? (Think of the container as the person, food being their integrity) And then you just say fuck it, I’m having wine and I’ll deal with it later. Then that food just keeps popping out at you every time you open the fridge..pissing you off so you eventually toss the whole fucking thing, container and all because there are sooo many other Tupperware containers available it just seems the most logical.
The best way to avoid a relationshit is to only date pizza and beer on a Friday night. Perfect fucking date night and if you get just the right amount of pizza you wouldn’t even have leftovers to throw away.
In all seriousness pizza does not cuddle the same as I’m sure some people do but keep the cuddles separate from the bullshit. No relationship cuddles. More like..”I just ate so much pizza I need to cuddle” cuddles. Those are good. I know you might think it’s the season for a permanent buddy to keep you all warm and cozy but NO. Get that out of your head. You’ll be just fine once you bust out your scarves and leg warmers from last season.
-Cheers from the eternally single and currently loving it.
Disclaimer: I’m sure many of you are love struck right now. Don’t take offense..you’ll either stay that way or join the dark side. I’ll love you anyways.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*