The Little Dream That Could..

..make me the happiest girl ever! That was lame. Moving on.

Ok..so I basically can die peacefully now. Had my first dream where me myself and I fucking knew I was in it! I mean I figured it out while I was there. I used basic terms just now but clearly someone smarter than me explained this is in fact a Lucid Dream (I don’t like saying it..it reminds me of the word flaccid and that makes me sad. It makes everyone sad). But yes..this is the technical term.

Know what else makes me sad? That I didn’t even figure out that word (flaccid) until I was like 15! Seriously! Seemed like everybody knew after someone wrote it up on a chalkboard. So there I was all like “OMG-hahahah-so funny-I’m dying-but I don’t actually know what the fuck it is-laughing.” I googled it. Figured it out. Patted myself on the back, I did.

Among other things…I considered condoms simply male underwear.
Someone went around the playground shouting words of disgust after finding one and here I’m thinking..dude..it’s just gitch. Calm your left tit that you haven’t even developed yet. And then periods?! Holy slap me in the face and call me
Sally…denial stayed with me until that fretful day.

One thing I did know for sure, though…Santa was fucking real. As real as it gets when Tom Cruise professed his love by jumping up and down on a couch like a third grade idiot (which I would still try and see how much I could buy it for). In fact, he’s still real – except he drinks beer, sits on his ass and watches re runs of Charlie Brown Christmas…reminiscing…he’ll never forget what a nice kid I was.

I could go on but clearly my head is just a whizzing so let’s get back..

So my dream. I’m standing in a barn of some sorts and it hit me like, why the fuck are you in a barn? It’s cool but like why? And then a fucking lightbulb blows up in my head “I don’t even think I’m here right now.” *pinches self to wake up*

Nothing happened. So here I go looking up and there’s Snow White just meandering around happier than a pig in shit, and two more than normal human beings with wings attached to their backs (fairies, duh), and a bunch of pigs. Like real pigs, not shirtless men oggling me. Cause I looked damn good in my dream. Some kind of plastic surgery went down right before is my guess.

I go outside the barn and lo and behold? Who else but Gandolf The Grey. With two hobbits. Gandolf was holding up a cardboard sign but I couldn’t read it from that far away. Then I thought after shiiiiiit this wizards all rich and stuff still begging for money you fucking freeloader! Just make it rain gold and go home! Ain’t getting nothing from me! Pfff. Stupid cardboard sign.

So now at this point, I’m like…this is the moment I’ve been waiting for..I get to fly!! Seriously like those are the best dreams and I can do whatever I want in this one. So I snap my fingers and go ‘FLY!’ ………. Uhm. K. Try again. Fucking nothing. So I go up to one of the fairies asking her if she has another set of wings for me. She totally has another set…in.her.car. She couldn’t fly. Just for show.

Dream ends after I’m sitting with some weird spitting image of Frodo and someone super pretty but I don’t know what character she is. I was secretly saying, “Bitch you better not be able the fly, we can’t all have it all”.

And then I woke up and took on the day. But..like a boss. Who still can’t fly.

Cheers to Flac–Woah Woah Woah- Lucid Dreaming..