Guac the Guac

If you can talk the talk then you can guac the guac, honey. I’m talking about mashed up, perfectly ripe, came down from heaven and about to go in and around your mouth avocados prepared for the dipping! Oh. Em. Gee. Guac. The somewhat healthy snack (as long as you don’t eat the whole made that for four people and then totally didn’t mean to finish it right?! I know, it’s a common struggle) has several variations and I’m gladly giving you my favorite one!

I just died a little inside knowing I don’t have any, and it’s 11:01. Stores are closed. Now there’s no guac to go with my vodka and Netflix. Shit. I’ll give you the recipe anyways in the hopes of getting to live vicariously through you. Wait, I have vodka! Haha! I’m doing better than you anyway, so nevermind.

Enjoy my friends!

Guac Of The Town

First off, make yourself a caesar, cheers to your wonderful cooking abilities (you’re not even cooking here) and drink as desired.


Avocados – 3-4 medium size, cut, pitted, mashed. BAM.

1/2 tsp lemon juice, or to taste

1/8 tsp salt, or to taste

1/8 tsp pepper, or to taste

1/4 tsp garlic powder, or minced

1/8 tsp tobacco (don’t freak out – the spice isn’t that bad)

1/4 cup tomatoes, chopped and juices removed

1/4 cup cucumber, chopped

1/4 cup white onion, chopped


Uhm…mix it all together. The trick here is to not taste until it’s all mixed. Seriously. Don’t fucking taste it. You can’t really screw up Guac…I mean come on…you’re good girl. You rock.

Note: Your chip-to-guac ratio should never exceed 50%, or you’re doing it all wrong and the Guac Gods will hate you for it.