You’re walking down the hall in school, or in the grocery store with your cart looking for the icing sugar, waiting in line to pay for your gas, or even going for your evening stroll with your pup.. and you SPOT it. RESTING BITCH FACE at 12:00. Immediate reaction is you need to help them to wipe that nastiness off their face. You need to help them. So you…(drum roll, please), SMILE!
Woah. Knew you didn’t see that coming. Or was that too obvious?
Problem solved and we can go on with our day, right? FUCK NO. Why? Resting bitch-face is still there. What. The. Fuck. What the fuck do I do now? I just passed them in the aisle, or the hallway, or the sidewalk, but now my OCD is telling me to meet them again to give them a second chance. I mean they must feel bad because I looked like a nice, genuine person that tried to let that tension on their face loosen up. OK. Next time I pass them at the water cooler, or in the hall (Ok I think we get the point now) I’m gunna smile, but more obvious. And lonnnger.
Here we go.. (SMILLLLEEEEEs).
NOTHING! AGAIN! And then I try a third time.. and now they probably just think I’m a fucking crazy psycho who is working really hard at her anger management homework…which is debatable.
Tip to resting bitch face users:
Don’t let my crazy fucking psycho smile appear. EVER. Because it will. I give people like 10 chances to make up for their “mistake-then-turned-just-fucking-rude” face. But then after that, I deliver a ‘sadistic-spawn-of-satan-with-piercing-fucking-eyes-face’ that will blow your bitch face out of the water! Trust me, it’s worse than Jaxx Teller on a rampage. And all because you couldn’t have some common decency to stop looking for two seconds like someone went and poured your vodka down the sink.
Smiling is contagious, but so is resting bitch face. I have both. And I use it to what suits the person. Let’s be kind, and if you’re not, there are people out there that will rewind. And try it again. Help those people. Don’t be a bitch, because there is a difference between having resting bitch face and actually being one. Once you are aware you have this elusive ‘dormant asshole look,’ and you care about being kind, just give a smile for a smile, and an eye for an eye. Or I might go Sally Field on your ass.
Cheers and smiles,