It is…Monday morning, and you say ‘fuck off’ to your phone alarm (which by the way sounds AWFUL to wake up to – you need to change it) and wait for your second, third, and fourth alarm to go off to give you an extra 20 min of rest which probably won’t make you any more ready to take on the day. Your morning routine has some tweaking to do.
Recap: You had some appetizers with some co-workers Friday night, followed by a girls wine and cheese night Saturday. Sunday you got back into your nice habit of healthy eating. Not too shabby, right?
You get up out of bed, are hungry and half-assed ready to take on the world and then you look in the mirror and point out 5 things that piss you right off about your lady lumps and make you want to call in sick in order to work out for like…8 hours. But you can’t…so instead you vow that you’re never eating again. For real. And now you’re pissy and throwing negative vibes all over the place.
9AM rolls around at work, and you’ve forgotten all about your vow that you made earlier (thank god you didn’t put a ring on it). And…you eat. Feel guilty…eat…guilty…eat…fucking guilty…etc, etc.
So I’m here to tell you and your stupid ass brain to tell your eyes and head to get their SHIT straight! As if we don’t have enough problems in our life! Your monthly mother nature bullshit gives you a headache, back ache, cramps, bitchy mood that you’ll never admit to having, and more (I think I skipped the most obvious here ” . “). You have bad hair days, and those days where you have to deal with your sexual counterparts (don’t even get me started). Then there’s that lingering feeling of paranoia after some hot sex that if something happened with those little sperm swimmers, you might land yourself with being sober for 9 months (holy…FUCK). Furthermore, the only way you’ll enjoy another glass of wine is by pushing an average 7-8 pound baby out of your vagina. Somehow this turned into a sex-ed blog (birth control and condoms if you love your wine as much as I do, ladies).
Anyways, being a woman is hard. Why are we making it harder on ourselves?
Wake up in the morning, and EMBRACE your beauty. Don’t aspire to look a certain way, aspire to be happy! Aspire to be healthy. Yes, you can have dessert, or choose to pass. Who the fuck cares? We need to stop focusing on negative vibes, and start being healthy. Healthy brain, healthy heart, healthy life. Surround yourself with people who are a positive influence on your soul. No one in your life should make you feel bad about yourself, be it on the inside or out. If they aren’t there for you, then drop them. Seriously, like a sac of potatoes.
You wouldn’t see Hayden Panettiere aiming to have legs like Tara Banks. Nor would you see Natalie Portman hoping for Scarlet Johanson’s boobs. Or butt. And personally, I wouldn’t want to have Miley Cirus’ tongue, with it whipping all over the place like it ain’t no thang. BUT – these women are all ridiculously beautiful. And so are you. So tomorrow morning, and every morning after that – wake up, and tell yourself three things you love about yourself when you stand in your mirror. And by god, go eat some breakfast. Because 9 am will hate you otherwise, and you can’t drop 9AM like a sac of potatoes. It will drop you.