You’re probably thinking of some times where your company hired them…that could be good or bad. Reminiscing aside (apologies if your temp had a terrible work ethic, stole your lunch, had stinky feet, list goes on), that is not what I’m talking about.
The Temp is the new term for manfriend, boyfriend, ladyfriend, girlfriend, crush…you get it. They stay as ‘temps’ until really…marriage. And here goes the reasons why.
Some will read this thinking I have some strange bias toward relationships (pause for *gasps* heard around the world), but I shall not be the only person slow clapping at some of these.
1. The Oopsie Temp.
We don’t know how good the Temps are until they have had a few months to get used to their environment. They will seem great at first…I mean they’re trying really hard. They put on a smile, they’re willing to do anything to help you out, great personality.. You’re thinking ‘Oh ya, this’ll turn out Perm for sure.’ HA. No. Because ‘these’ Temps get comfortable. Too fast. You realize the whole interview stage (dating stage, guys) was all fake! Work ethic is terrible, and they have a god awful personality. You’re offended! You’re upset with yourself that you read that whole situation wrong! You now need a cocktail.
No. Well the cocktail part, yes. But no need to be upset. Because, in fact, they were just a Temp. They don’t harm the organization (that’s you if you haven’t caught on yet) in the slightest other than wasting time. Your only concern is bringing in a new one and making sure it’s not like the last. See? I for one, feel better already.
2. The Seasonal Temp.
Some Temps you already know are Seasonal only. This referring to your terms. Some of us request a Temp for the fall/winter for obvious reasons. Having a Temp in the fall means keeping warm, you can both enjoy eating fatty meals together and hiding weight gain under sweaters and oversized scarves. This Temp is solid for the season. When Spring comes, we take a step back and realize…awhhhhhh s*it! Summer is right around the corner. ‘Work’ now becomes slow, uninteresting, boring, and there’s no more need for the Temp. They’ll be back next fall though. You’ll just check with the agency come time and there’s a list of them.
3. The Casual Temp.
Strictly for when you need them. If they’re available they will help you out of a snag. They have their own stuff going on so you can’t always rely on them for extended periods of time, but…great for short notice. Sometimes.
4. The Regret Temp.
Okay, so this one is like the oopsie temp but..way worse. These ones do harm the organization (temporarily, of course) but they didn’t just fake the interview, they were working with the competition.
Mighta been the stealthiness of the Temp, mighta been the ignorance of the organization. Some Temps are really good at what they do. And if they’re a Regret Temp, you won’t know until..until you regret it. Working for another organization is just a deal breaker! You have to FIRE that Temp! They won’t understand though. They will think it’s the organization’s fault. But fuck that idiot Temp. They’re just mad they are no longer with a great company (laugh for the pun and you would make my day). Then you grab a cocktail. But like 5. You have to look at the damage of the organization, which was a bit more than Oopsie, and figure out a plan.
Which really is…get another Temp. BUT – Leaving some space and time to do the work on your own because you just don’t trust these damn agencies (bars, online sites, colleges, teams) right now.
The Perm Temp.
Well, couldn’t end on a bad note. These are the cream of the crop Temps. These Temps…become Permanent. Because of how fantastic they are. They don’t want to be Temps anymore than you! These ones work with you to build up the organization into a flourishing company, ‘producing’ (you’re killing me Smalls) amazing results.
It’s easy to become jealous of these companies, but you’re not. Or you shouldn’t be. Because they worked hard for a Perm.
I mean I don’t know about you but I just slow clapped for the Perm Temp.
This has been fun.
Cheers to Temps.